I have to clean my bike

A real low point of my day was when a fellow on a carbon fiber fixed gear bicycle made a cutting quip "I see you don't wash your bike as often as I do!" I summoned the little self esteem I had left and tried to gently instill, in this glorious and shining man, the thought that I have other bikes which are better taken care of. "Yes," I said, "It has been a while since I cleaned this one."

Nonplussed by my rhetoric, he breezed gently by, his aerodynamic position disdainful to the mere reality of atmospheric turbulence. The gentle wind wafting graciously over his bespandexed carapace seemed to silently exclaim “Only laminar flow will do!”

The days of chivalry are long over, but the demeanour of this fastidious man called back to a time of polished steel clad warriors ambling along on carefully manicured steeds, laughing as their horses splashed mud onto nearby peasants.