Critical Mass July '09

Another month, another mass ruined by Toronto's Finest. After they crashed the party, I swiftly and unceremoniously bailed.

Memo To Members of Toronto Police Force

re: New Procedures In Effect

In light of the events of Toronto Critical 
Mass on July 31st, 2009, the 
Toronto Police Service is enacting new 
procedures, to be undertaken by all members 
of the Toronto Police Service as soon as
practicable:

1. Using your service 10 tonne industrial 
jack, pry your buttocks into an unclenched 
position.
2. Apply penetrating lubricant generously 
to butt crack area.
3. Give the lubricant 24 hours to set in. 
This will work best if the officer assumes 
the inverse prone position.
4. Firmly attach a hydraulic winch to the 
36+ inch oak trunk that somehow found its 
way up your ass.
5. Run the winch at full power until the 
blockage is dislodged.