Another month, another mass ruined by Toronto's Finest. After they crashed the party, I swiftly and unceremoniously bailed.
Memo To Members of Toronto Police Force
re: New Procedures In Effect
In light of the events of Toronto Critical
Mass on July 31st, 2009, the
Toronto Police Service is enacting new
procedures, to be undertaken by all members
of the Toronto Police Service as soon as
1. Using your service 10 tonne industrial
jack, pry your buttocks into an unclenched
2. Apply penetrating lubricant generously
to butt crack area.
3. Give the lubricant 24 hours to set in.
This will work best if the officer assumes
the inverse prone position.
4. Firmly attach a hydraulic winch to the
36+ inch oak trunk that somehow found its
way up your ass.
5. Run the winch at full power until the
blockage is dislodged.